a directed heart

a glimpse inside


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Instead of my Usual Review

By this time I normally would have been working on a “2012 in Review” post for a few weeks, ready to hit “publish” this morning… but I’m taking a different route this year.

2012 has been full of ups and downs, struggles and victories, and celebrations of new lives coming together. It’s been a great year on the outside, but it also has been a giant spiritual struggle on the inside for quite a while now.

I’ve struggled to dig into the Scriptures with a hunger for the Word I once I had. I’ve been apathetic toward spending time with the Lord and my attention span quickly dissolves when I finally convince myself to sit and try to focus.

This past Sunday the Lord moved in my heart, stirring up all the pieces that had settled into the dust. I clearly heard him speaking to me, addressing this problem I’ve been struggling with and angry/depressed about for what seems like so long now. When John writes to the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2:4-5, he says, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” I have abandoned the joy I had in Christ. That joy we all experience when we first meet him- we are so excited to dig into the Word and read until our eyes fall out! We’re eager to pray- all the time and about everything. We’re eager to sit at the feet of Jesus and learn. I’ve forgotten my first love and let myself become apathetic about what I sometimes feel I’ve “read so many times already.” (How arrogant is that?!)

Yeah Yeah

So it’s time to repent, Lauren, and return to your first love. It’s time to do the works I did at first, when I first fell in love with Christ. It’s time to sit at his feet and soak in every word he says. Part of the “works I did at first” included spending a lot of time with other women studying the word together, both older women, women my own age, and younger women. It’s time to return to intentional community, and the Lord planted some exciting ideas about those very things in my heart yesterday.

I asked the Lord to give me fresh eyes when I read his Word, and he did. I’m so excited to tell you that I could not get enough of Bible last night, and it was so, so refreshing.

So in light of the new year, I am returning to my first love and pursuing him the way I did at first.

For the grace of God has appeared (!), bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce all ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us for all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. (Titus 2:11-14) What beauty!!


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Confessions: Katy Perry & The Craft Bug

Jacob and I watched the Katy Perry movie last night.

Yup, it’s true.

And I actually enjoyed it. Anyone else out there who wants to own up to that with me?

I just thought it was so interesting to see her story–I’m a sucker for stories, people. And it was interesting, to say the least. I honestly appreciate her more now because I understand more of what she stands for, and I like it! She’s all about being you and sending the message to everyone that it’s great to be yourself, no matter how “weird” you seem. I think that’s a great message to send kids. Granted, I don’t really love her Peacock song (which I hadn’t ever heard before watching the movie)…. but I still like her and was inspired by her drive to make her dreams come true.

And for the record, I don’t think Jacob enjoyed it quite as much as I did :), but he sat through the whole movie with me… what a great husband!

On a completely unrelated note, Fall Break starts next Wednesday after class!!! Needless to say, I have several projects lined up for that free time and I’m getting SO EXCITED to start them. I’ve got plans for 3 currently bare walls in our apartment, and I’m ready to get cracking! I’ve been so excited that I started on one yesterday because I just couldn’t help myself. This place is really starting to feel like our little home, cozy and welcoming. Yay!

Just for fun, here’s a little arrangement I made a few days ago because, again, I just couldn’t hold off my craftiness until fall break…

These flowers were leftover from the other 3 arrangements I made for our apartment, so I just threw them together in this jar from our wedding so they wouldn’t be in a pile on the floor. It’s incredible how much more homey and warm flowers can make a room.

Now I’m off to Michael’s so I can use my 50% off coupon before it expires!


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I Quit Something This Week

Yep, I quit my resolve not to eat chocolate for a year.

I lasted one day short of two months, and then I told Jacob I wanted to quit. I wasn’t facing a delicious looking brownie, or even craving a Dove Chocolate Bar… Nope, we were picking out cake flavors to sample for our wedding. And you know what? I want to sample my own wedding cake. And I want to eat my own wedding cake at my wedding! When am I ever going to have the opportunity to do that again?

So, that’s right folks, you can cross #1 right off my “Twenty-One-For-My-Twenty-First” List.

Now I can enjoy things like…

…..but not too much of them:).

I’m satisfied with my two month break from chocolate. It was surprisingly easier than I thought, but how much can I say since I did just quit?

I didn’t make it a year, but, sometimes I’m simply over ambitious.

Hope you all are enjoying the little things in life, like chocolate, too!


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Confession.

I hadn’t ever mopped a floor before I started working at Firehouse. I didn’t even know how to mop… I had to ask another coworker to show me how to ready the mop. And then I had to ask the person to show me what to DO with the mop.

Is that sad? News flash for Jacob: I’m probably not as ready as you might think I am for these kinds of “wifely duties.” (He’s most likely already gathered that by now, since he also knows I plunged my first toilet at work, and he has experienced my attempts at cooking first hand. I need supervision when cooking in the kitchen. And direction.)

BUT, there’s another half to this confession: I like it. I like mopping. Whenever I close the restaurant, I’m the one who volunteers to do all the mopping: the back half of the restaurant, the bathrooms, and the service area where the waiters and waitresses make drinks and take food from the window. I think I like mopping because you can see a difference after you’ve mopped. It’s like vacuuming.